


Do You Still Find Me Attractive?

by dreamwriter32



Series: Dan and Ren Fanfiction [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Body Image, F/M, Fluff, Insecure Dan Howell, Insecurity, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 16:19:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13034865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamwriter32/pseuds/dreamwriter32
Summary: When Dan gains some weight, he wonders if Ren still finds him attractive.





	Do You Still Find Me Attractive?

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Ren is an OC I created. This is my first fic I’ve written for Phan Fiction. Enjoy!

Credit for the inspiration for this fic goes to the creator of this. It’s also mentioned in the story. I found this on Pinterest.

 

Ren was sitting at the table in the kitchen, scrolling through Pinterest. While Dan spent hours and hours on Tumblr, she spent a lot of the time on Pinterest. Sometimes, she would come across a new technique in doing make up for her job or a new recipe to try. She chuckled softly when she came across a new pasta recipe and she made it the next day. It had made a lot of servings for three people, but somehow or another, they were hardly any left once the boys finished it up.

As she scrolled through her Pinterest feed, she found something that caught her eye. The first part like it had been copied and pasted from Microsoft Word and then at the bottom were two pictures, both of her boyfriend, Dan. The one on the left was from when he was younger, judging from the background of the picture, it was when he and Phil lived in the old flat in Manchester. The second one was more recent from this year’s Vidcon. 

Her eyes widened when she noticed the changes between the two pictures. Of course, the hair was different from the first picture to the most recent. Dan embraced the curls and not straightening his hair anymore. Ren clicked on it and began to read what was written at the top.

_I’ve been seeing people call Dan fat a lot lately and I just wanna say how wrong any type of body shaming is. You should never shame anybody for their body, especially if they are taking medication that causes them to gain weight. It’s a good thing he’s gaining weight! Not only does he look thick and well shaped, it’s a sign to us he’s eating well, staying hydrated, and taking his medication, so repost if you are proud of Dan, and against body shaming of any kind to any one._

Ren wished she could find out who posted this so she could thank them. She wiped away the tears that were leaking out of her eyes and sniffled quietly. 

“Are you okay Ren?” 

Ren looked up and seen that Phil had entered the room while she was reading it. She nodded, smiling softly.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

She hovered her mouse over save and pinned it to her My Man board, which was filled with pictures she found on Pinterest of Dan. It was a private board for her eyes only.

“Did you finish filming?” Ren asked, in hopes of changing the subject.

“Yeah, we did,” Phil replied. “What’s got you upset?”

Sighing, Ren motioned him to her laptop. “Have you seen this?” She asked pointing to the post shaming those who were body shaming Dan and calling him fat.

Phil took one look at the post and said, “Yes, I have. I wished I had done something like that. Maybe it would have prevented some of the things that happened.”

“I wish I knew who did this, so I can thank them,” Ren whispered.

“I know,” Phil murmured, squeezing her shoulder. “I feel the same way."

It had all started in 2013, following a comment on the video BBC Radio 1 had uploaded. It was Dan VS. Phil: Blind Man’s Bluff. Ren had watched it with a big smile on her face, laughing when Phil would find Dan and when Dan would find Phil. She cheered when it was announced that Dan had won the challenge, even though she knew he did.

It was her friend, Tara, who texted her with a link to the video. She replied by saying she had already watched it. Her friend replied with ‘read the comments’.

Puzzled, Ren brought up the video, pausing it and then scrolled down to the comments. She called her friend when she couldn’t find what she was talking about.

“Keep going,” Tara had told her. Ren did and she found it. The comment was talking about how the shirt Dan was wearing made him look fat and others jumped on the bandwagon with them. Luckily, other people jumped in Dan’s defense.

“Do you think Dan has seen this?” Tara had asked.

“I don’t know.”

She got her answer when she went to Dan and Phil’s flat later that evening and found Dan laying his bed. 

“Do you think I’m fat?” he asked. “Be honest with me, please.” 

The question didn’t surprise her, as she knew he would probably ask her. She sat down on the bed and ran her hand along the little patch of his stomach that was exposed.

“No, baby, I don’t. You’re beautiful to me.”

She remembers that moment because it was the first time since she and Dan started dating a few months ago that she saw him shirtless. It had led to her and Dan’s first time being intimate (following feeling awkward around Phil because she knew he heard them).

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the first time Dan questioned her whether or not he was fat. Sure, he had a little pudge on his belly, but who didn’t. Whenever comments about his weight were brought up, Ren would repeat the same thing over and over again.

“You’re beautiful to me.” 

Then Dan’s doctor recommended he try anti-depressants. It was a journey to find what worked for him, but he found one. She took care of him when the medication made him sick and was a source of support for him, along with Phil. The doctor did caution that the medication might make him gain weight, which it did.

Loads of it. Ren remembers the day she realized the medication did exactly as what the doctor said.

She had entered Dan’s room as he was attempting to button a pair of pants. He was lying on the bed, stomach sunk in, but to no avail, the pants wouldn’t button. When he gave up, he sat up, putting his head in his heads.

“I already feel fat enough without the freaking medication. I was kind of hoping the weight gain didn’t happen.” 

Ren climbed in bed behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.

“We could go shopping,” she said. “Get some that a size bigger. It’s only temporary baby.”

Or so she thought. Dan had gotten to the point where he didn’t even want Ren to see him without a shirt on anymore. 

Ren knew this was lowering his self-esteem and she asked her friends for advice as she didn’t know where to turn. But no one else went through the same thing and they encouraged her to talk to Dan.

“Where’s Dan?” Ren asked.

“His room,” Phil answered. Ren nodded and closed out of Pinterest and left the lounge and headed to Dan’s room. When she pushed open the door, she paused.

Dan was standing in front of his mirror, shirt off and his hands were squeezing the little rolls that had shown up on his sides. She sighed, knowing that Dan was already thinking about the fat comments he was sure that was going to appear when the video went up. She hated seeing him like this. Was this worth his mindset? Sure, he didn’t think or talk about death or his other depressing thoughts and his existential crisis had been less lately. This weight gain was now apparently affecting his self-esteem. 

Quietly, she approached Dan from behind. She was much shorter than Dan, a full foot shorter and it had some advantages and disadvantages. 

Dan didn’t know Ren entered the room until she felt her soft hands on his sides, sliding to his front, wrapping around his waist. She felt her press a kiss to his shoulder, her lips soft against his skin and lean her head against his back. 

Taking a deep breath, he asked as he exhaled, “Do you still find me attractive?” He asked.

“Do I still find you attractive?” Ren repeated. 

Dan visibly swallowed and looked at her in the eyes through the mirror. “I mean what do you see when you see this?” Dan inquired, running his hands down his sides and across his stomach. 

Ren sighed, finding her words carefully. She moved to stand beside Dan, her arms still around his waist.

“Baby, I still find you attractive,” Ren finally answered. “As a matter of a fact, your belly is one of the things I find most attractive about you.

“But there’s nothing! No abs, no muscle, no nothing! Just skin and fat,” he mumbled, pinching at his stomach.

“You stop that right now, Daniel James. You don’t need those to be beautiful or attractive.” 

Dan shook his head, apparently disagreeing.

“It makes me look bloated and fat,” he growled, glaring at his reflection in the mirror.

“Dan, could you please not look at yourself like that,” Ren begged. She moved her one hand and rub along up and down Dan’s abdomen, making him want to suck in his stomach, but a soft jab in his shoulder told him not to.

“Do you really find my stomach attractive?” Dan asked as if it were impossible.

“Of course, I do. Six pack or not, I think your belly looks adorable,” Ren replied, giggling, gently poking his stomach. Dan bit the inside of his lip to keep him from smiling.

“Do you really?” Dan inquired. 

Ren nodded, skimming her hands down Dan’s sides, feeling the dips and curves of him that she knows so well. Loving them, regardless of their size.

“Do you remember that picture you sent me two weeks ago?” Ren asked. “You took it standing in front of the bathroom mirror.” 

Dan realized what picture she was referring to. It had been one of the good days and Dan didn’t see the fat rolls and the pudge. Taking advantage of feeling good about himself, he took a picture and out of habit, sent it to Ren. When Ren got the picture, she was with her girlfriends, having a day of shopping on Oxford Street.

“Tara and some the other girls saw it by accident. They all commented on how amazingly sexy you look, especially the way you were posed with your hand on your hip. They even commented on how good you look shirtless.”

“Seriously,” Dan said. 

Ren dropped her arms and left the bedroom briefly and returned with her phone. She pulled up her texts between her and Tara and when she found the one she was searching for, she turned it to show Dan.

“This is what Tara texted me later.” 

Dan took the phone from her and read the text.

_I meant to tell you when we were together earlier and don’t hate me for saying this: Dan’s hot. You’re a lucky girl._

“And she’s not the only one,” Ren said, showing him the other texts she got from her friends, commenting her on how hot or sexy her boyfriend was.

“Do you know what I first noticed about you? And it wasn’t your body,” she said, after taking her phone back.

“What was it?” Dan asked, curious.

“Your eyes,” Ren replied. “And then that dimple.” She poked his left cheek where, when he smiled, a deep dimple appeared.

“I want you to come to me when you’re feeling this insecure again. Promise me.”

 Dan nodded and then verbally replied, “I promise.”

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Much to Ren’s relief, Dan kept his promise. He never broke a promise to her. As she expected there were a few comments on the video, commenting on Dan’s weight and he didn’t let it bother him. She accompanied him to the following appointment with the doctor who prescribed the anti-depressants to express her concern. 

He said there were things Dan could do to counteract it and one of them was the dreaded exercise.

After trying the gym and doing exercises himself, finding them both too hard, exhausting and leaving Dan feeling incredibly sore the next day, Ren introduced him to yoga.

Ren was a yoga expert, having done it for over five years as a way to keep her body healthy and help with her stress. She also danced as exercise, but couldn’t see Dan doing the type she did.

She bought him his own mat and a month following the latest doctor’s appointment, she dragged Dan into the lounge and told Phil under no circumstances to bother them, unless the flat was on fire or he was seriously hurt.

In the beginning, the sessions ended with a shower for two followed by a massage until Dan’s body adjusted to the exercise. While Ren started this as well to help Dan with his mental and, unintentionally, physical state, it was also a way for the two of them to spend time together as a couple.

It was now six months since they started doing yoga together and Ren was seeing the difference between Dan and his body. She noticed it one night when they were going to bed. She was shocked when Dan pulled his shirt off and then climbed in beside her. He’d been sleeping in a shirt for months.

Occasionally, when Ren was out, she’d get a text with a picture. One picture, in particular, was of Dan in pants that he hadn’t been able to wear in months.

The background on her phone became a picture of them by the pool at the hotel they were staying at for a YouTube event. When she showed her friends, they commented on how cure of a couple she and Dan were and how sexy she and Dan looked.

“I see Dan’s been embracing the curls,” Tara commented after Ren showed her a picture she had taken of Dan. It was one that popped up when Dan called her and she wanted to update it as the one previously was taken around Christmas.

“He has. I still love running my fingers through it though,” Ren admitted.

“I’m glad he’s feeling more confident,” Tara added.

Ren nodded, remembering how his weight affected his self-confidence. But like many other things, Dan had overcome it.

“Me too,” Ren murmured.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Ren was sitting up in bed, leaning against the headboard reading a book. Glancing at the alarm clock on her side of the bed, she checked the time. Dan and Phil were filming another video for their gaming channel. She was reading a new romance book she had picked up from the bookstore, she had visited earlier that day. It was a sequel to a book series, she had been reading lately and discussing with her friends.

She had finished five chapters by the time the door to her and Dan’s shared bedroom opened and Dan slipped in.

“Why are you still up, babe?” Dan asked, approaching the bed.

“I’ve been reading,” Ren explained, marking her place with a bookmark, closing the book and setting it on her nightstand.

“Is that part of that series you’ve been reading?” Dan inquired, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Yeah,” Ren trailed off when she caught sight of Dan’s shirtless torso. “I see the yoga has been working.”

Slipping on his pajama pants, Dan chuckled. “Ren, babe, have you just now noticed?”

“I have, but it still amazes me. Not saying I didn’t love your body before,” She added.

“I never said you didn’t,” Dan murmured.

Ren was happy to see Dan feeling more confident about his body. He sometimes would slip into a hole of thinking he was fat and ugly, but Ren pulled him out, sometimes with force. She complimented him more and told him how attractive he was. 

A few weeks ago, when they went to the pool while on a holiday, she whistled, gaining the attention of not just Dan, but some of the others who were around the pool.

“Baby, you’re sexy!” she had when Dan approached the pool chair she was lounging in.

“Why do you sound so shocked?” he asked her. 

Ren had shrugged her shoulders and watched as he and Phil cannonballed into the pool together, splashing those who were sitting on the edge. 

Dan climbed in beside her and Ren scooted down and snuggled closer to Dan’s body for warmth.

“How did it go?” Ren asked, inquiring about the gaming video.

“It went well. Phil is going to edit it, it’s his turn anyway. But I was thinking about taking tomorrow and spending some time with you.”

“Sounds good,” Ren murmured through a yawn.

“You could have gone to sleep,” Dan said.

“I sleep better with you beside me,” Ren replied.

 Dan smiled at her and then kissed her on the forehead before moving down and meeting her lips.

 “Good night babe,” she murmured.

 “Good night, Sugar. I love you.”

 “And I love you.”

Ren snuggled up against Dan’s side as he turned to lie on his back, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder. She smiled as she thought of the things she and Dan could do tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
